Riku
by xXBeyondxXxBirthdayXx
Summary: Letters written in the voice of Riku.  I take what's going on in my life and come up with these.  Don't expect too many updates often, though.  Rated T for some language.
1. Wishing Wishes Came True

Does he have any idea how he makes me feel? So unloved. So alone. When he's with her, I feel so shitty and unimportant. When he kisses her, I feel like it should be me instead. Every promise we've made has been broken. Not by me, but by him. That boy who haunts my dreams. That boy who invades my mind 24/7. The boy who left me to find real love. I just wish he would realize the love he's been looking for has been with him his whole life. It's here, writing. Here, wishing things could go back to the way they used to be. Wishing to be loved again. Wishing to be in those arms. Wishing to go back. To go back and change the way I acted. Maybe if I hadn't gotten mad everytime we couldn't talk, things would still be the same. Maybe if I had been more sympathetic and understanding, things would still be the same. Maybe if I hadn't been too shy to kiss him, things would still be the same. Or maybe he was right. Maybe we aren't meant to be. But if we aren't, why does this hurt so much? I can barely take the pain. It's become so horrible, I've been more than ready to take my own life numerous times. I've cried so many time everyday that I've lost count. I hope you're reading this. I hope you know how you're making me feel. I hope you get the message. I hope you're happy. I hope. Hope. Hope is a cruel thing, isn't it? It can be so easily brought up, only to be pushed back down. Hope must hate me, for I have little. Little hope that you will someday love me again. Do you hate me? You say you don't, but I'm not buying it. What really hurts, is the fact that you think I hate you. I could never hate you. Never. Who in the world could hate those beautiful blue eyes? That chocolate colored hair, tanned skin, and wonderful personality. Perfect inside and out. I wish I could be like you. You're beautiful in both looks and personality. I'm a mess. A hopeless, depressed mess. You have every right to not love me. But still...I wish you did. I know I love you with my entire being. There's nothing I wouldn't do to please you. I'd go to the ends of the earth for you. Tell me, and consider it done. Would she die for you? Would she do absolutely anything for you? Who knows. Would I die for you? Would I do absolutely anything for you? Yes. I think about you all the time. I wonder what happened to make you break my heart so visciously. I try to imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't met you. It's to horrible to picture, though. You are my life, my soul, my heart, my love. My everything. I wish I could be the same to you.

Wishing wishes came true.

-Riku-


	2. I know I Should Hate You

None of it mattered, did it? Promises, lies, truths, even life. While lying on this hard, cold, tile floor I realize this. Everything you said was a lie, wasn't it? Now here, ready to take my life, I ask myself: Why the hell am I just realizing this? Why am I just realizing how wrong we are for each other? Yet, I still can't shake the fact that I love you with every beat of my heart. I don't want to love you as much as I do, so I decide to die. I have no idea how; I just know I want to leave. I want to get away from everything. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to love. I just want numbness. I want to feel nothing. You say I need help, I say otherwise. But that's how it always is, isn't it? You want to help me; I want to be left alone. You want what's best for me, I can do it myself. Great, now there's tears smudging the ink. Damn, I feel like such a sissy. Why am I crying? It just makes me feel alone. It just makes everything feel worse. Not even my tears want to stick around. Even _they_ hate me. So why do I do it? Beats me. Ever since my knife was confiscated, though, it seems like crying is the only thing I have. I don't even have you to turn to. Ever since _she_ stole you from me, I have nothing. Well, that's a lie. I do have one thing: a vast whole in my heart where you should be. You ripped a whole in my chest when you left, and it hurts like hell. All I can ask is why. Why do you hurt me like this? You once said you loved me. You said you would do anything for me. Was it all a lie? What were your true intentions? To make me believe there was someone out there who truly loved me, then break me? Was everything you promised just a game to you? It was definitely more than that to me. It was what got me through the day. Knowing that there was someone who loved me with their whole heart. I had someone who would support and encourage me through everything. Someone who promised to love me past death. I had someone who put me before them self, who would do anything to make me happy. Now all I have is an empty heart and the will to die. To me, that's the worst thing one can do to another. Promise them the world then take it away and deny the whole thing. That's basically what you did to me. And I want to hate you for it. I want to hate your guts with my entire being, but I can't. I can't no matter how hard I try. Maybe it's because I'm not a liar. I don't break my promises to you. I promised to love you forever, and that's exactly what I'm doing. I know I should hate you. I know I shouldn't love you. Knowing you should hate someone is a horrible feeling, but what's worse is not knowing whether to live or die. Its my decision. I don't have a clue what to do.

I know I should hate you.

-Riku


End file.
